Animorph Uncut
by Edriss
Summary: Written in responce to a challenge set by Sinister Shadow. It's set during the making of Andalite Chonicles the Movie...read more to find out.
1. Chapter 1

**Right, hi everybody, this is just a short one-shot written in response to Sinister Shadow's Challenge on the Anificforum. **

**ANIMORPH **

–

**Uncut**

"**C**ut! Cut – damn it! Cuuuuuuut!"

Jeri stood up, put hands on hips, and bared her teeth, "Collette, I'm kissing Magnea as _'passionately'_ as possible. The problem is it usually helps if the guy has a mouth!"

Magnea, a young Andalite male, looked affronted and puffed out his chest, (We Andalites usually 'kiss' using our palms. It's not my fault humans evolved mouths.)

Collette wheeled her chair forwards, glaring at the two arrogant actors and snapped, "We are following the script – and the script says, "Loren kisses Elfangor in the cheek", so that's what we're gonna do. I met Ax you know, Magnea, so I _do_ know how Andalites kiss."

Magnea shrugged his shoulders and muttered, (Why not just use a human is Andalite morph? Why bother using an Andalite if you bother correcting me on _my_ species?)

Jeri sighed exasperatedly and said, "Why not break for lunch? The teamsters set up a table," she winked at Magnea, "they have chicken and meatballs."

Magnea shot her what could be thought of as a disgusted look and walked off the set made to look like the Taxxon homeworld, trotted past the dozens of cameras and –

- tripped up the resident Yeerk. I hate Andalites, no really, I do. And no, not because their meddlers, arrogant, 'fools' – no, how boring is that? I hate them because you simply cannot act with them. Magnea is the worst, he was trained in the only 'Academy of Arts' on his homeworld and is already a noted _artiste _here on Earth. Who better than to play Beast Elfangor in the latest in a string of _Animorph _films to be brought to screens all over the galaxy?

The git, I hate him, cocky bustard. You know why? Huh? I'm playing the bad guy, I have for the last three films, 'Visser Three'. I'm the first ever professional Yeerk actor and what do they give me? A role that will destroy my career? Yup, I hate them two.

Why don't I get a love scene? Really? How hard can it be to give Visser Three one little love scene! Come one writers! Hear my plea!

"Arkass, you're getting frown lines," Jeri said as she sat down beside me. Jeri and I are engaged, so obviously it doesn't help that I spend half my time screaming at her "I will kill you!" and then sometimes if I'm bored, "Mawhahahaha!". To which the response usually comes "Hey! That isn't in the script!"

Yeah, I know exactly what you're thinking - how could you not? - ff the Animorphs thought they had it bad they obviously didn't think about their silver-screen counterparts, the gits.

_How, _you are asking yourself, _is a Yeerk acting in a film?_

To which I reply, _morphing power you idiot? _

Which brings me to the second tragedy of my life, not only am I playing Esplin but I also have to play Alloran, we decided that it be cheaper for me just to have an Andalite morph rather than _actually _infest an Andalite in the later films. Two characters right? Count them, Esplin, one. Alloran, two.

Right? Right? Then why do I only get paid for the one? Just a thought…

…think about it.

Arrogant gits.

I turned to see another colleague, David, sitting awkwardly on a chair and reading through his script, he was mumbling incoherently. Suddenly he looked up and yelled to Collette, our resident Animorph expert, (Marco had to leave for some reason after the first film), "But my character is kid! I'm too old!"

Collette sighed and wheeled herself right up toe to toe with David and said, "That's why you'll be morphing a kid. Didn't you read the brief?"

"Yes, but –"

"Buuuut?"

David frowned, "I don't like morphing, can't we just hire a kid to play kid-Chapman?"

"Mavid!" I said through a mouthful of chicken, ""Midn't you 'ear? Cheapmer to mmmorrrph." Then I nearly chocked on the damn chicken, damn chicken git.

David's like me, he'll be forever known as 'That-Chapman-Guy', that means that I have at least some time for him. Generally I just ignore the others. After all, I'm the real star aren't I? Hello! I last throughout all the film, eat that Magnea, you Andalite –

"Arkass!" Collette yelled "You're up! Swallow that food and look mean, remember – "

"- be the Visser, feel the Visser, shoot the Visser. I get the idea, oh Directing One, "I stood and walked on set, I morphed my rather brilliant Andalite morph, (it's a good thing Alloran hasn't yet figured out how I got hold of his DNA, I'm telling you that for free)

Magnea and I stood hoof-to-hoof, Jeri sat on his back with her arms round his shoulders priming to do something I really didn't want her to do.

"Aaaaaand action!"

THWACK!

_Ow, bloody plastic rock. _

(So. You propel rocks at me! You'll be very sorry you ever propelled a rock at me, human! Jarex! Larex! Attack...MAWAHAhAHAHA! I shall smite you with my visserly wrath!)

"Hey!" a faint voice cried, "That's on what it says in the script!"

_It's called acting? _I thought,_ you cocky gits. _

**I hope you guys like, please don't forget to REVIEW!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Hi, well, I wrote this about two months ago but I've never posted it…until now:P. It's just a quick bit of fun from our guy Arkass. Hope you enjoy.**

**ANIMORPH**

**-**

**Premiere**

**_I _**want a fangirl! And Kandrona-damnit, I deserve one! How come Magnea-the-Arrogant had a whole line-up of squealing girls lined up out there and I didn't?

Excuse me but how many two-legged humans think that a four-legged Andalite would ever be remotely squeeable? Show of hands? Anyone? Yeah, you see, Andalites are just not a good thing to be a fangirl over.

But I am.

And I have no fangirls.

My life sucks right now.

We finished filming, if you're interested at all. Hah! I got to EAT Elfangor! Ok, maybe I didn't really _eat_ _Elfangor_. Ok, what I did do was put Magnea, (who protested greatly) into my Antrean Bogg mouth but on my honour I did not chew. Much.

What kind of line is "Nothing like an Antrean Bogg morph to take a bite out of your enemies"? Really? I highly doubt that any self-respecting visser would ever have made such a bad joke. On that thought maybe Visser Three_ did_ say that.

I hate Visser Three; he really needed to hire an 'evil-yet-funny-remark-guy' because, seriously, I've come to the conclusion that my character was an idiot. Oh, yes. Visser Three was one doolally Yeerk.

I sniggered to myself as I steeped out onto the red carpet and into the familiar cries of "BOOOOO!" and "That's Visser Three!" I looked around at the crowed lining the path into the cinema, I smiled at best I could and followed Magnea. Camera's flared and reporters fought with their comrades for an interview like mad swordsmen who've lost their swords and decided to make-do with mikes.

An eel-like reporter managed to fight off his dastardly foes and shoved his mike in my face, "Arkass – could you tell our viewers what it's like playing possibly the most hated villain of all time?"

"Ahhh----great. Well, not great as such – but kind of –"

"Is their anything about this film that you didn't like doing?"

"Yes, I hated the whole screaming thing. I'll tell you now all you aspiring Visser Three's out there; you need good lungs for the job."

"How about anything you enjoyed?" A blond reporter cut in.

I gave a dopy grin at the camera in front of me and yelled "I won and I ATE Magnea! MAW-HAHAHAHA!"

A ginger man shoved his mike hard into my face, it was assault! I should sue! "What everyone wants to know, Arkass, is how did you get Alloran's DNA?"

"I'm afraid I can't tell you. Confidential and all that. Enjoy the film!"

I was whisked away by Jeri who calmly started answering her own set of questions and David; who was not so calmly trying to dodge every mike flung at him.

Soon we had taken our seats. This film was gonna be big. We even had Andalite and Yeerk dignitaries there, though I think the Andalites just wanted to find out how we got hold of Elfangor's hirac-delest and the Yeerks just wanted to show that they were in support of anything the humans and Andalites were doing. After-all, they had to make sure that I didn't do anything politically incorrect like I did in the first ANIMORPH film. (When Steve wasn't looking I had discreetly given the actor playing Jake the Dapsen-sign.)

The public didn't notice until six months after the film was released. Now, _that_ was a scandal.

Well, this new film was a success, I suppose, Magnea had a whole new set of fans crying their eyes out when 'he' was eaten and I had a whole new set of 'boo-ers'.

However, I swear that somewhere in the audience I had defiantly heard a faint "Yes!" when I 'ate' Magnea. I wondered for a second who had said that but soon it was forgotten in the wave of applause that had swept through the theatre.

Later, as stepped out of the cinema to face the mikes again I raised my hands and triumphantly cried, "YEERK POWER!"

A few hours after that I woke up in hospital.

The worst part was there were no fangirls to set on my enemies.

**Hope you all enjoyed that. : ), if you didn't what are you still doing reading?...huh? **


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